Hey, welcome back and thanks for reading! Today’s post is long overdue. Well actually, this whole new category on my blog is long overdue! But nonetheless I am here now, with a pressing question; should love be unconditional?
I don’t think there is one definite answer to this question because it depends on who you’re loving.
Based off of personal experience when you love somebody unconditionally and it’s not being reciprocated, you’re only draining yourself of all the love you could be giving to someone who actually deserves it.
Honestly, we struggle with this idea that love should always be unconditional because of how it is portrayed on social media and also, what you grew up around. A lot of our elders have been in their marriages for 10, 20, 30 years. But you and I both know, you cannot possibly be with someone for that long and there was no trauma in the relationship at all. A lot of women felt they had to stay in those toxic marriages because you know, that’s how it was back then. Feminism was not nearly as trendy as it is now, especially not black feminism, but I digress.
On social media, we see a lot of black men in positions of power not really valuing their queens. (Future, Lil Baby and Jayda, Waka Flocka and Tammy Rivera, etc) This is not to take away from the ones that do, but if I’m being very honest, we do not see a lot of successful black love stories on social media. And you shouldn’t have to be mentally broken down before a man is ready to BE A MAN. Just because a man is ready to finally step up, that doesn’t mean that you have to forgive him. That is not success. The damage he caused is still there and honestly from experience, guys, the damage can be worked on but it will never fully go away when you’ve been hurt over and over again.
Dating during your late teens and early 20s is really tough because a lot of us still don’t know who we are fully. We are all working on trying to become full fledged adults, so sometimes we make selfish mistakes. Selfishness leaves a lot of room for resentment. And that’s something that I see ends a lot of young relationships; selfishness and resentment.
I think it’s important to really understand that every love story is unique. What may be working for another woman’s relationship may not work for you and that’s ok. You don’t have to be someone’s ride or die. Why would you even want to be apart of anything where death is an option?
Love and be loved how you need to be because if you are losing yourself by loving someone unconditionally, that’s not healthy right? It’s also a waste of love.
Either find a solution or leave.
I know it’s a lot easier said than done but sometimes leaving doesn’t have to be forever either. You have to use your discernment and consider if that person is worth your unconditional love. The best question to ask yourself is, “Do I see a future with this person?” And really try to visualize it!
But nonetheless, remember to love and be loved based off what you need. Don’t worry about “relationship goals”, social media or what people in your life may say.
Know your boundaries, know your worth, and love hard if you want to.