Hey, welcome back! I know it’s been a while, but thanks for reading!
So I started this blog in hopes that I would inspire others to want to be more transparent about their journeys to finding their ultimate purpose in life. I didn’t really know or understand what self love was when I started this. Looking back on it now, I see that I had the right ideas but I wasn’t on the right path, I let myself and the actions of others get in the way of my personal growth. Personal growth meaning finding that path to self love.
I realize now, and I think I’ve even said it before in one of my older posts but, I was using this blog to hold myself accountable. So I felt like having something of my own and being productive was filling that self worth void in a way. It was making me feel like, “Ok, this is something that’s mine and nobody can take this from me, nobody can harm it.” Which was ok I think. I was right to want to create a platform for myself that could be monetized. After all, the content that I was pushing out was coming from a genuine place. I had a real experience and I wanted to share my thoughts in hopes that others would feel more comfortable sharing theirs.
At the time it didn’t really feel like there was a problem. It felt like I was on the right path. But over time as I began to experience more things, lessons became clearer and that started to weigh on me.
When it started to get heavy, it was very confusing because I thought I had it figured out and I mean, I halfway did. Like I said earlier I had the right ideas, I had all the answers but something was still missing and that was self love.
In real life most of the time, I wasn’t practicing the advice that I was putting out into the world and so this is why it was confusing for me because why did I have all of the right answers but couldn’t apply them? The answer is very simple to me now, I did not love myself.
I knew what boundaries needed to be set with myself and others, and I wanted to set them but I didn’t feel deserving of my own standards, I didn’t have the confidence or the willpower. Definitely didn’t have the right people in my life.
Where did all of these self esteem issues stem from? Well, sometimes when we’re growing up, things fall short, sometimes not on purpose but almost always leaving you damaged. We all have experienced some type of childhood trauma. But maybe that could be a topic for another blog post.
Anyway, when people were constantly telling me things like you’re so weird, you’re so skinny, so quiet, too sensitive, and oh and let’s not forget the crazy Catholic school upbringing, child…I- TRAUMATIZED. I’m sorry.
(disclaimer: maybe I’ll talk about this in another post but, I don’t have anything against Christianity, I still consider myself to be a Christian but I think I just need to explore it on my own terms and at my own pace.)
I feel like I internalized a lot of what people labeled me as or saw me as and I shut off my light because I never felt completely accepted. But I’m older now and it’s getting old.
Different situations but I’m always having those same feelings. It’s like a cycle. And I’m ready to end it. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I know now that I’m worthy of love and success, equally; I am enough and I am so, so strong. Now, I’m not saying I got it all figured out, this is just to say that child, I have been awakened. I’m on the right path to accepting and loving myself for who I am outside of my relationships, friendships, academics, and work. And I want to document it.
I want to take you guys along with me by sharing my experiences and giving tips on how you can get on that right path and how you can practice self love daily (because that’s what I’m trying to do) while also creating a safe space for other girls to share their journeys.
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